Scotland Boosts Teenage Mental Health with Free Bus Passes

Scotland has a new policy that residents under twenty two can ride buses in Scotland for free! As a family without a car we are incredibly excited about this opportunity. This will naturally benefit all our children, but I am especially grateful that our teenagers will be able to experience more independence and have breaks from the home without the danger of driving their own car. They can more easily have time to themselves, get a job, or meet friends. Conservatives often have larger families so this is a great blessing for them and gives them some defences and a bit of cred regarding accusations of environmental damage.

I also am thinking of those who are in physically or emotionally abusive homes who are not otherwise able to get away. I hope this will help them.

Here is more information on the subject: https://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/19471272.22s-scotland-receive-free-bus-travel-january/

Christian Art

There is a remarkable Catholic project that I stumbled upon: Christian.art. It has been curated by a former auctioneer at Sotheby’s and features a Christian artwork every day with a corresponding Gospel and reflection on it. The meditations are short and simple and help one with more immersive prayer as well as being educational. The artworks are extremely varied regarding era and medium. Today’s reflection on loneliness features a sculpture by Alessandro Algardi:

Self-care is Unfair

Mental health gurus often emphasise the importance of self-care and talk about being “selfish” sometimes. Conservatives, and especially those of the old guard, understandably roll their eyes at the seeming self-centeredness of these well-meaning folks who have really failed to come up with a decent justification of self-care to Christians.

I’ve wondered about this quite a bit myself. With an extreme mental illness it is getting easier to take care of myself – because it is a necessity – but what about the steps along the way? Surely, we don’t think that people should only care for themselves at a crisis point. So, when is it ok to put ourselves first?

I don’t have any grand philosophical answers to this, but I would like to change the perspective on this issue in order to show how I’ve come to terms with it. At one point when I was trying to get through some pretty serious trauma I stumbled across a meme (yes, a meme! Intellectual, I know) that said that you are responsible for your own healing. It seems obvious, but I think a lot of human pain continues because the universe deals us a blow and we therefore expect the universe to fix it. Even though schizophrenia wasn’t my fault, I had to figure out a way to heal myself. I could accept help – but not expect it. This isn’t fair, but it is essential.

Taking care of yourself actually means not burdening another with your pain.

Maybe you say that you can take care of people while going through a lot and not needing to take care of yourself. Sometimes that is true. Prudence should decide if it is. However, ask yourself honestly, are you often taking out your frustration on others passive aggressively? Do you hold resentful feelings frequently? Do you people please and expect a return? All of these I do. I vent way too much and expect to get better.

This is why self-care isn’t selfish. Some pain in life is an obvious effect of sins we’ve committed and sometimes we endure difficulties with no answer. A lot of things are not directly our fault, but we still have to fix them. No one owes you healing. Self-care is unfair.

Mental Limbo: Languishing

Real Simple has an interesting piece on what is called languishing. A place where one isn’t very sad, but also not really experiencing joy. It is probably possible to exist in this state reasonably functioning for a long time. I’m sure a lot of people are experiencing this state during this pandemic especially.

It takes effort, but finding joy in anything (not sinful, ha!) generally grows into finding joy in other areas. Read the article here.

I have recently found that audio books bring me joy. I just listened to an abridged version of Out of Africa by Isak Dinesin. I used to read quite a lot, but I now find audio books gentler on my mind. The book has beautiful imagery and was mentally restful. We got audible temporarily, to be honest. I’m not sure if we’ll keep it, but librivox.org has some good audio books for free.

I think it is important to be open-minded about discovering joy. I used to find harp music dull and bird songs annoying. They have since brought me comfort during difficult times. Some things that you previously scorned when well might make you happy when troubled.

Another thing I’ve done when feeling traumatised is watching videos of ocean life on YouTube. The kids like to watch it too, so it is a good way to bring calm into your life while keeping the children entertained.

Please comment with the things that bring you joy while you are well or “languishing.”

Empathy for Everything

Reading over my blog you might think, “Well, this all looks very good for you, but what about your children? You have eight!” Having any children with mental illness is a trial for all, but I hope that while we have our faults and difficulties we have a happy family and a loving home. I suppose we will not really know until our children grow up!

My dear husband has been amazing at keeping the family going when I have been unwell, but one thing that had a big impact on our family’s happiness and well-being is a book a lovely friend suggested called How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish which I read several years ago.

The basic premise of the book is to have empathy for our children even in small things always. If a child does not want to do their homework you don’t say, “Too bad. Go do it .” You might say, “I know you would really rather read your new book, but doing homework is important.” Your child knows that you care about them, but still have expectations: love combined with hard work. Also, I’m sure most people have incidences which really hurt them as a child which seemed insignificant to their parents. Mistakes will be made, and forgiveness needed, but compassion for the little things minimizes these occurrences. Kindness in small things builds a bond of trust.

Sometimes parents are afraid to empathise if they cannot change a situation. They fear resentment or other negative emotions if they cannot help. However, children, and people in general, are able to push through hard things better with empathy. People usually feel gratitude for empathy without being offered practical aid.

This leads to another recommendation the authors make which I believe should be implemented prudentially. They suggest, after empathising, to say what you wish you could give them. They give an example of a child being frustrated by an unripe banana. The authors believe you should say something like, “I’m sorry, I wish I could make it ripe for you.” This actually brings up a greater question of mental health and virtue. I have said to my children that I wished I could give them certain things. One example is visiting extended family in America more often. I wish we could afford to do that. However, I might say that it is unfortunate the banana isn’t ripe – it will take some patience to wait for it. If one was very wealthy one could immediately give them many things you wish for them which probably wouldn’t be good for their character.

I have, of course, failed many times to empathise. However, making this my general goal has made for a tender and trusting home. None of the children take advantage of this and beg or whine for sympathy. This book has significantly helped the tone of our home and the mental health of our family.

Trauma

Have you been through trauma? What is trauma? What are the signs and symptoms? How does trauma differ from finding something really difficult and not wanting to go through it?

If you have been through trauma I would be very interested to hear about your experience and coping techniques. If you have not been through trauma or aren’t sure, I would ask you to read through this to understand how to be kinder to people who are suffering from it. People who have been quite tough through difficult things are often awful at respecting the feelings of those who, through no fault of their own, have not managed to cope.

So, let us turn to the ever helpful Wikipedia for a definition of psychological trauma:

“Psychological trauma is damage to a person’s mind as a result of one or more events that cause overwhelming amounts of stress that exceed the person’s ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved, eventually leading to serious, long-term negative consequences. Trauma is not the same as mental distress or suffering, both of which are universal human experiences.”

And from mind.org.uk: Trauma is often distinguished by signs and symptoms:

• “vivid flashbacks (feeling like the trauma is happening right now)
• intrusive thoughts or images
• nightmares
• intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of the trauma
• physical sensations such as pain, sweating, nausea or trembling.”

Two other signs that I have come across before are: either talking about the event constantly or refusing to talk about it at all.

I have had three instances of trauma in my life. The two most prevalent, which I will be addressing here, are from childbirth and psychosis. Fortunately, for the psychosis I have been receiving good care and have been improving. Even though the first one was lengthier and objectively worse, my last psychosis has been very traumatic. Seeing and talking to people has been especially hard and I feel very isolated. However, I am being supported by health professionals and my family who understand what trauma is and are being very supportive.

Childbirth was different. I didn’t have any objective medical problems and everyone I talked to devalued my experience and told me that it should have been a good experience because it didn’t meet their definition of difficult. I should say I have been through natural labours quite well, so this is not just an issue of not being able to handle pain. I was utterly shocked about my experience and when I tried talking to other mothers I was made to feel ungrateful that I wasn’t willing to go through the pain for my child. This left me very alone and hurt.

I thought I had healed for several years, but my first psychosis triggered significant PTSD when I was in the hospital and pregnant. I had constant horrible flashbacks of that past labour before and after the birth, intense anxiety attacks, and thought about labour frequently for the next year. Fortunately, doctors witnessed my behaviour so I received care and treatment at that time and they have been making good plans to take care of me for my next birth. My husband and some close friends have been understanding and supportive.

For other people who can’t or won’t understand – I have learned to keep them at a distance. One person I had to tell specifically not to discuss labour with me and others I change the topic or avoid when I’m stressed about this. You are allowed to do this. If you are recovering from a serious physical illness, one would keep those away who were preventing your healing. You are just as allowed to do that with mental illness.

If someone may seem to be suffering from trauma and PTSD there are a few things that may help: listen kindly if they want to talk, be compassionate, respect their coping techniques as long as they are not harmful, avoid the topic if they cleary don’t want to discuss it with you, and gently recommend professional help. Do not tell them you understand exactly how they feel, say you are the same as them (even if you have been through trauma), get angry at them for not healing fast enough, and force them to do things that they are not ready for (like regular socialization).

I feel that I have been uncharacteristically harsh with this post. But people’s attitudes really need to change. So much damage can be caused by unkindness at a crucial time. I know I have messed up too with others. There are words I sincerely wish I could take back. Maybe ask yourself, however, if your lack of empathy is habitual, and how you could change.

A Stopped Clock

Following my great disappointment when Pope Benedict XVI resigned from the papacy, I was quite determined to be open-minded about Pope Francis. I knew he was not traditional, but I was certain that he would have some qualities to recommend him. My mindset has significantly changed since July 16, 2021. Pope Francis made it abundantly clear how much he dislikes Tradition and Traditional Catholics in his Motu Proprio Traditionis Costodes, which significantly limits the Latin Mass and I have rather decided to move on.

I haven’t exactly been rejoicing at the opportunity to pray for the Pope’s intentions since then in my morning offering which I pray along with from my Amen app. However, “even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” This month the official intentions of the Holy Father are for: “People Who Suffer from Depression – We pray that people who suffer from depression or burn-out will find support and a light that opens them up to life.” Surely, we can all get behind this!

Here is the Morning Offering which I grew up with at school:

O Jesus, 
through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, 
I offer You my prayers, works, 
joys and sufferings
of this day for all the intentions
of Your Sacred Heart, 
in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass
throughout the world, 
in reparation for my sins, 
for the intentions of all my relatives and friends, 
and in particular
for the intentions of the Holy Father.

Amen.

Mindfulness May Actually Make a Difference

Recently, when trying to manage various conditions, my mental health nurse recommended the free app Smiling Mind. I was a bit skeptical about its efficaciousness, but have been learning to be more open minded so I gave it a chance.

Smiling Mind is called a mindfulness and meditation on app, but I am hesitant to focus on the word meditation as it can give Christians the idea that it is religious and anti-Christian. It is completely secular and uses pyschological techniques to induce calm. Hence why I chose to focus on the term mindfulness even though many people think it sounds silly.

This app has helped me tremendously. I often have insomnia and the breathing exercises have frequently helped me to sleep when I was sure sleep would be elusive. The meditations are usually short, between five and fifteen minutes, and are easy to fit in a busy day when you need some very quick stress reduction. It has definitely made a difference with general anxiety; my husband noticed my improvement on his own.

This is an aside from mental health, but the body scans have helped me to handle physical pain. Focusing on other areas of one’s body that are not in pain made it easier to deal with the pain that was there. I felt more gratitude when I was conscious of how many things don’t hurt all the time!

I really recommend the app Smiling Mind for anyone in any walk of life who struggle with anxiety.

Domestic Therapy: Knitting and Home Arts

This blog is definitely not meant to only be for women, but it is worth mentioning that different domestic arts can be very beneficial for one’s well-being. They are beautiful, which soothes the soul, and require mental exertion which exercises the mind. They are also lovely gifts for one’s family which give a sense of usefullness and purpose that people need to be happy.

I personally love knitting. However, I find concentration amidst chaos to be very difficult so have done less of it than I would like. No matter what your life calling it can be hard to practice these pursuits. My daughter introduced me to the free app Row Counter so that I cold manage interruptions better and follow the pattern more easily with household distractions.

I’ve found knitting to be very soothing. I love to feel the yarn between my fingers, my mind enjoys the comfort of patterns, and I love the sense of accomplishment when I am finished. Here is a baby blanket that I have been working on for the new baby:

Unfortunately, as I’m sure most of you know, homemade items can be very expensive. I try to manage this by buying my yarn on Ebay. I prefer yarns with natural fibers – this one is a cotton blend. It was a bundle of 10 skeins, but the blanket should only require three. This works out to £5 for the blanket. Not too bad!

What domestic arts bring you satisfaction and peace? Feel free to post pictures in the comments below!

Review of Catholic App: Amen

The free Catholic meditation app Amen, which is produced by the Augustine Institute, has been helpful to restore my Faith after my last spiritually damaging psychosis. I downloaded the app first to see if it would aid sleep and anxiety reduction, and found that it has been a beneficial spiritual tool.

One thing that is very difficult with trauma is how harsh the Christian Faith can seem to be. Believing in God’s love and presence is a challenge after you have endured a terrible ordeal. What I have found special about the Amen app is that it is a gentle, but doctrinally sound approach to Catholicism, prayer, and Christian meditation. It has prayers to follow along with, Bible stories, Christian thoughts, and Bible in a Year. The meditations focus on God’s love and forgiveness and a relationship with Christ.

The voices are pretty good. Sometimes the diction of some of the meditations isn’t quite to my taste, to be honest, but most of the time the voices seem normal and soothing. I don’t think the app would be jarring for most people.

At first it didn’t seem to help directly with sleep or anxiety. I have since several times calmed down and fallen asleep while I was listening to the prayers. However, I will refer to another app I have found to be better suited to addressing those issues in another post. If you would like a way to study your Faith and pray to God with a merciful and sympathic approach, I would highly recommend Amen.